We’ve all been there, right? You meet someone, you vibe, you hang out, and things feel great… but then it hits you—wait, what exactly is this? Are you just casually dating? Or is there something more?
This strange in-between zone has a name: a situationship. It’s that gray area where you’re more than friends but not quite in a relationship. And if you’re reading this, chances are, you’ve found yourself stuck in one at some point—or maybe you’re in one right now.
So, what’s the deal with situationships? Why are they so common these days, and how do you get out of them when you’ve had enough? Let’s break it all down.
What Exactly Is a Situationship?
A situationship is when you’re spending time with someone, maybe even getting close or having a good time, but there’s no official commitment. You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, you’re not exclusive, and you haven’t had “the talk” about the future.
It’s basically a relationship without a label—a bit confusing, a bit fun, but often leaving you wondering, “Wait, what are we doing here?”
It’s not a new concept, but it’s definitely more common now, thanks to dating apps. With swiping left and right, casual hookups, and the absence of clear relationship milestones, people are finding themselves in situationships more often than ever.
A YouGov survey found that half of 18- to 34-year-olds in the U.S. have experienced one. So, if you’re in this boat, you’re far from alone.
In fact, dating apps like Tinder have caught on to this growing trend and have been making efforts to help users navigate these gray areas.
Over the past year, Tinder introduced a feature called “relationship goals” that allows users to select from six different relationship intentions. Whether you’re looking for a long-term partner, long-term but open to short-term, short-term but open to long-term, short-term fun, new friends, or you’re still figuring it out, this feature gives you the chance to be clear about what you’re after from the get-go.
This added layer of transparency encourages more meaningful connections, especially for those serious about finding something lasting. It’s a small step in the right direction for dating apps, trying to turn the tide from casual to more intentional connections.
Why Do People Fall Into Situationships?
You might wonder—how does one even get into a situationship in the first place? It’s usually not a clear choice; it’s often the result of a few factors, like your emotional state, life circumstances, or just plain old timing.
- The Rebound Effect: If you’ve just come out of a relationship, the last thing you might want is to jump into something serious again. A situationship can feel like a great middle ground. You get the benefits of intimacy and connection without the emotional baggage of diving straight into another committed relationship. It’s a stepping stone to healing—just make sure you’re not using it as a distraction from deeper emotional work.
- Attachment Styles: Ever heard of attachment theory? It’s a psychological framework that looks at how people bond in relationships. If you’ve got an avoidant attachment style, you might find yourself naturally gravitating toward situationships. The appeal? You get the fun, companionship, and intimacy, but without the deep emotional vulnerability that comes with true commitment. For those who fear being hurt or overwhelmed by closeness, a situationship feels like a perfect solution—until it doesn’t.
- Fear of Commitment: Let’s face it—commitment can be intimidating. The idea of having to meet expectations, be emotionally vulnerable, and invest deeply in someone can make some people shy away. Situationships offer a safe, no-pressure way to enjoy intimacy without any long-term obligations.
- Convenience: Let’s be real, life is busy. Sometimes, a situationship is simply easier than a full-blown relationship. You enjoy spending time together, maybe share some chemistry, but neither of you is looking for something too demanding. It’s the low-maintenance option that still brings some fun into your life.
- Emotional Band-Aid: If you’ve gone through heartbreak or have unresolved emotional wounds, sometimes a situationship feels like a safe place to test the waters again. You’re not fully committed, but you still get the closeness and affection you crave. The problem? It’s hard not to form a deeper emotional attachment, especially if you’re vulnerable.
Why Do Men End Up in Situationships More Often?
When it comes to situationships, it might seem like both men and women are equally guilty of falling into them, but studies suggest men might be more likely to find themselves in this kind of relationship. Why is that?
- Less Pressure for Emotional Commitment: Men, especially younger ones, can sometimes feel less urgency to settle down or define a relationship. For some guys, the “casual but comfortable” vibe of a situationship is ideal—no labels, no heavy emotional investment, just a fun time. A situationship lets them enjoy the connection without worrying about what it “should” be.
- Freedom, Baby: Let’s face it: some men actually prefer the freedom that a situationship offers. No strings attached means no accountability or obligations. They can have the companionship and intimacy without being tied down. It’s less about avoiding commitment altogether and more about wanting the flexibility to keep things casual.
That said, not all men are actively looking for situationships. Some might enter one by accident and eventually find themselves wanting more, especially if they develop deeper feelings. But for some men, the lack of commitment suits their current lifestyle, and they might stick with it longer than others.
Do Older People Fall Into Situationships?
As you get older, dating dynamics tend to change. So, are older men and women more or less likely to end up in a situationship? It depends.
Generally, as people mature and have more life experience, they’re less likely to want to stay in the ambiguous territory of a situationship.
After all, if you’re in your 30s or 40s and have been through a divorce or a long-term relationship, you might be craving stability, commitment, and emotional security. Situationships—by definition—aren’t built for that kind of emotional depth, so they lose their appeal.
But that doesn’t mean older folks don’t fall into them. If someone’s been hurt before or is hesitant to commit again, a situationship can be a low-risk way to dip their toes back into the dating world. They might prefer keeping things light for a while, just to avoid the emotional baggage of a full-blown relationship.
How to Spot a Situationship (And Get Out of It)
So, you think you might be in a situationship? Here’s how to tell for sure:
- No Labels, No Expectations: If you’re not sure what to call your connection—if there’s no talk about being exclusive or what your relationship means—chances are, you’re in a situationship. It’s like being stuck in a “what are we?” limbo.
- Inconsistent Communication: One minute they’re all over you, the next they’re ghosting you. The communication is on-again, off-again, leaving you constantly wondering where you stand.
- No Emotional Depth: In a situationship, the conversation tends to be surface-level. You’re hanging out, but you’re not really talking about your deeper feelings, your future, or what you want from the connection.
- Avoiding the Big Questions: You bring up the “where is this going?” talk, and they suddenly get cold feet or brush it off. That’s a major sign you’re in a situationship. When neither of you is ready to discuss the future, it’s clear there’s no serious commitment.
So, what do you do if you find yourself in one? First off, acknowledge what you want. If you’re looking for something more serious, it’s important to communicate that. If they’re not on the same page, it might be time to walk away. It can be tough, especially if you’ve grown attached, but remember—you deserve clarity and a relationship that meets your needs.
Can Situationships Actually Be Good?
Here’s a question we all ask at some point: can situationships be a good thing? The answer is: sometimes.
- They Can Help You Heal: If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, a situationship can serve as a low-pressure way to test the waters and get back into the dating game. It gives you the intimacy and connection without the emotional weight of a committed relationship.
- Live in the Moment: One of the perks of a situationship is that you’re not bogged down by the future. There’s no pressure to define it, and you can just enjoy the time you’re spending with someone. It’s freedom, at least for a little while.
- No Strings, No Drama: For some, a situationship is the perfect balance between the companionship they want and the commitment they’re not ready for. It’s low-stakes, which makes it appealing for those who just want to enjoy life without worrying about the “what’s next.”
However, here’s the catch—situationships are temporary. They don’t usually last, and that’s okay. You can learn a lot from them, but eventually, someone is going to want more. And when that happens, it’s time to either decide to level up or let go.
I’ve been in my fair share of situationships, and let me tell you—they don’t all look the same.
My first one I was in was purely on-and-off, long-distance, and honestly, just a sexual one. While it was great while it lasted, I knew from the start that it wasn’t going to turn into anything long-term.
Both of us had fallen into it out of loneliness, and we’d return to each other time and again between relationships. Although we both recognized it for what it was, we managed to soothe each other’s pains, creating a space for intimacy without any expectations.
But eventually, I ended it after my third failed relationship, feeling guilty for leading her on.
My second situationship was a bit different. I’d just ended a 4-year relationship, and it lasted for six months. Looking back, I can see that it was my rebound.
I was head over heels for this person—blinded by how amazing they seemed—but there was one glaring red flag I ignored. – I wasn’t sexually attracted to her.
But what do you do when you’re scared of losing an amazing person, but deep down you know it’s not going to work? You sit tight, make excuses, and show no signs of commitment—until she finds someone else. Which, as you can guess, is exactly what happened.
Yes, some situationships can lead to long-term relationships, but generally, if one or both people are not ready to make a commitment—and make that abundantly clear—it’s best to walk away, no matter how great the sex is or how amazing the connection feels.
When to Let Go
The hardest part of any situationship? Knowing when to walk away.
If you’re in a situationship and hoping it’ll magically turn into a committed relationship, you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re not getting what you need and they’re not ready for the next step, it might be time to cut your losses and move on.
Ending a situationship can feel like breaking up, even if it was never officially “a thing.” But here’s the truth: You deserve someone who wants the same kind of connection you do, whether that’s casual or serious. Don’t settle for less just because it feels comfortable.
The Bottom Line: What do you want?
Situationships are a modern-day dating reality, and while they can serve their purpose in the short term, they often leave you feeling unfulfilled in the long run. They offer freedom, fun, and intimacy, but they’re not built to last.
So, if you find yourself in one, take a moment to ask yourself what you really want. If it’s something more, don’t be afraid to let go and move on. You’ve got this.